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| The Church of Almighty God | Judgment Before the Seat of Christ | Finally I Live Out a Little Like a Human |
Xiangwang Sichuan Province
I feel deeply chastised in my heart every time I see that God’s words say: “Cruel, brutal mankind! The conniving and intrigue, the jostling with each other, the scramble for reputation and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end? God has spoken hundreds of thousands of words, yet no one has come to their senses. They act for the sake of their families, and sons and daughters, for their careers, prospects, status, vanity, and money, for the sake of clothes, for food and the flesh—whose actions are truly for the sake of God? Even among those whose actions are for the sake of God, there are but few who know God. How many do not act for the sake of their own interests? How many do not oppress and discriminate against others for the sake of maintaining their own status? Thus, God has been forcibly condemned to death innumerable times, countless barbaric judges have condemned God and once more nailed Him to the cross” (“The Wicked Must Be Punished” in The Word Appears in the Flesh).
I think back to how I did not seek truth, how in fulfilling my duty I repeatedly competed with my working partners, how for the sake of my reputation and benefit I would suppress or reject the other—how I caused losses both for my own life, and for the work of God’s family. Although God arranged many circumstances to save me, I was numb and completely failed to grasp God’s intent. But God continued to pity me, to save me, and only after repeated chastisement and judgment did I awaken and understand God’s wish to save us, putting aside my pursuit of reputation and status and starting to act a little like a human.
In August 2012, the sister in charge of our work communicated with me, assigning me to fulfill my duty in another location. At the time I eagerly agreed, but before I left she said: “It’s better to send that brother to work with you, it’ll be better for the work of God’s family….” She asked for my opinion, and I said: “That’s fine, I’m willing to work with him.” And when we saw each other at a meeting, he was open with me: “I didn’t agree with them choosing you, your fellowship isn’t as good as mine!” That one off-hand statement left me in great turmoil. I thought I’d left my bias against my brother behind, but on hearing that something again appeared inside me: It’s a real shame, I shouldn’t have agreed to go with him. He knows all my failings. I had thought that on arrival in my new post I would be more appreciated as a newcomer! But now there’s nothing to be done. I forced a smile and acted as if there was nothing wrong, thinking: I’m not good at fellowship, but I was chosen first because I’m better than you. If you don’t believe me, wait and see! We travelled to our new place of work and threw ourselves into doing our duty. Initially, when meeting the subjects of our work, I prayed to be able to forsake the flesh, to restrain myself for the sake of a harmonious partnership. I listened carefully to how he communicated with the subjects of our work about their states and prayed for him, while for gospel work I communicated with them. After some time, I saw how his communication was clearer than mine. During meetings with the subjects of our work I didn’t want to say a single word in fellowship. I wished those meetings would end early and wanted to get away. We were responsible for a large area then, and I came up with an idea: If we worked separately I wouldn’t suffer so much. When I explained this to my brother he agreed: “The size of the area makes work difficult, it’d be ok to split up.” When I met with the subjects of our work by myself I was able to speak at great length, communicating and organizing, taking on a great “burden” for them. Soon I saw results in all aspects of my work, while my brother was not doing particularly well. I didn’t do anything about it, as if it was none of my business. At a meeting our leader learned we were working separately and communicated to us the responsibilities of our work and the truth of harmonious partnership. I was willing to accept this and no longer work separately from him. But we continued to work apart, using the excuse that we both knew our own work better. Fearing my leader would criticize me I did go to my brother’s area to communicate with the subjects of his work, but I felt I was out of my own area. If I communicated well it seemed like my brother would get the credit. So I went through the motions and made an excuse, saying I had some admin task to do, and rushed off. My brother continued to see no results, yet I did not blame myself or feel afraid—I had no fear of God, and I even ignored several communications from our leader. This continued until we were reporting on our work, when I was stunned: Although my area had got many people, when both our areas were added up the numbers were low. Only then did I feel afraid. I had tried to prove myself, to fulfill my intent of showing how well I could work, that I was better than him at gospel work. But gospel work in his area had almost halted—and the above had said that was not to happen in any circumstances. I had become the obstacle preventing God’s will being carried out. I had no choice but to look to God’s words to see the root cause of these circumstances. I saw the following: “Each of you, as people who serve, must be able to defend the interests of the church in all things you do, rather than looking out for your own interests. It is unacceptable to go it alone, where you undermine him and he undermines you. People acting this way are not fit to serve God! The disposition of this sort of person is so bad; not an ounce of humanity remains in them. They are one-hundred-percent Satan! They are beasts! Even now such things as this still occur among you, going so far as to attack each other during fellowship, intentionally seeking pretexts, getting all red in the face arguing over some little thing, neither person willing to put himself aside, each person hiding what’s inside from the other, watching the other party intently and being on guard. Can this kind of disposition befit service to God? Can such work as yours give supply to the brothers and sisters? Not only are you unable to guide people onto a correct life course, you actually inject your corrupt dispositions into the brothers and sisters. Are you not hurting others? Your conscience is so bad, rotten to the core! You do not enter into reality, and do not put the truth into practice. Moreover you shamelessly expose your devilish nature to other people, you absolutely know no shame! The brothers and sisters have been entrusted to you, but you take them to hell. Aren’t you a person whose conscience has gone rotten? You are utterly shameless!” (“Serve as the Israelites Did” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s harsh words exposed my true nature and left me ashamed. It was due to God’s elevation and kindness that I could fulfill that duty, God had entrusted me to bring my brothers and sisters to Him. But I did not enter into reality, I did not practice the truth, and for reputation and status I ignored the interests of God’s family. I fought both openly and in secret with my brother, working alone. Now is the time to spread the gospel, and God hopes those who truly seek it will soon return to God’s family. But I shirked my responsibilities and did not love God, I did not consider His most fervent wish and bring those who sought the true way to God. I sought reputation and status, those worthless things, to prove myself, rather than helping others. I did not communicate about problems in our work, hoping my brother would fall behind me. I was envious of aspects of work where my brother was stronger, or even ignored them, and I treated work as a game in which I showed off and bragged about myself and belittled my brother. I was too evil, without any humanity. God detests such people, and if I did not change how could I serve Him? If I did not enter into reality how could I bring my brothers and sisters to God? In tears, I came to God and prayed: “Oh God! I was wrong, it was all my rebelliousness. I failed to consider Your wishes, and to prove myself I fought against my brother, to beat him I ignored my conscience and did not fulfill my responsibilities. And now the gospel work has been harmed and I have committed a transgression in front of You. But I wish to repent and change, to work harmoniously with my brother and make gospel work more active. If I strive to gain status again, punish me, God. I am willing to be watched by You, Amen!” After praying I took the bus to see my brother and communicated openly with him, admitting how I had acted rebelliously in front of God and how I planned to improve. We communicated about our understanding of ourselves. Afterward we worked together with God as one and started to improve on the failings of our work, looking for the oversights and errors, summing up the successful experiences I had had, and acting strictly according to the work arrangements. Our gospel work soon improved. From this I saw God’s righteous disposition. God’s holiness does not allow there to be any filth or corruption within me, and when I was tricked by Satan and could not save myself, it was God who stretched out the hand of salvation and pulled me back from the brink of death, freeing me from Satan’s influence and allowing me to change. I am willing to seek the truth and no longer be rebellious, to be fully loyal in all that God entrusts to me.
I saw that God’s word says: “Very seldom when you are working together does any of you say: I would like to hear you fellowship with me about this aspect of truth, because I am not clear about it. Or to say: you have more experiences than I have on this matter; can you give me some direction, please? Wouldn’t this be a good way of doing it? You on the upper levels hear a lot of truth, and understand a lot about service. If you people who coordinate to work in the churches do not learn from each other, and communicate, making up for each other’s shortcomings, from where can you learn lessons? When you encounter anything, you should fellowship with each other, so that your life can benefit. And you should carefully fellowship about things of any sort before making decisions. Only by doing so are you being responsible to the church and not being perfunctory. After you visit all the churches, you should get together and fellowship about all the issues you discover and problems encountered in work, and communicate the enlightenment and illumination that you have received—this is an indispensable practice of service. You must achieve harmonious cooperation for the purpose of the work of God, for the benefit of the church, and for spurring the brothers and sisters onward. You coordinate with him and he coordinates with you, each amending the other, arriving at a better work outcome, so as to care for God’s will. Only this is a true cooperation, and only such people have true entry” (“Serve as the Israelites Did” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). In God’s words I saw a way to practice entry and knew how to serve alongside others. I understood God’s wishes: Everyone has their strengths, and God wants everyone to use those strengths in the work of God’s family, and in doing so everyone’s weaknesses will be compensated for. Working with that brother was just what I needed. I was weak at communicating the truth, and because of God’s love I was partnered with him, so his strength could compensate for my weakness. But I did not see this, and when I was with my brother I failed to ask for his assistance when I did not understand. Sometimes when he communicated with me I was unwilling to listen. I jockeyed for position with him, both harming my own life and harming the gospel work. In the days that followed I practiced entry into this aspect of truth, consulting my brother on things I did not understand or could not see clearly: I’d like you to communicate with me on this aspect of truth, as I am unclear. I also consulted him on difficulties in my work: I don’t understand this very well, could you advise me? From then on, we learned from and complemented each other when we went to the churches, and when we encountered a problem we communicated with each other, together finding God’s words to solve the churches’ problems. We became partners in spirit, accepting each other, caring for each other, understanding each other. Sometimes our views would differ, but as long as they benefited the lives of our brothers and sisters and the work of God’s family, we could agree. Even if we lost some face we could set our own wishes aside. We worked together happily, and every aspect of our work improved.
I thank Almighty God for changing me through His judgment and chastisement, for making me see Satan’s poison and harm. I now seek what is proper, and live out like a human. Although I still have much corruption with me that must be purified and must go through more judgment and chastisement, I have seen God’s judgment and chastisement is man’s best salvation, God’s truest love for man. I want to experience this more, I want God’s judgment and chastisement to accompany me as I progress, until ultimately I am fit to be God’s servant.
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