A few days ago, my leader Sister Cheng told me that
the church had a new work that required some manpower, and asked me whether I’d be willing to do it. Hearing my leader say this, I was beside myself with joy, and I thought: “For three months now, I’ve been reflecting on how I was replaced because my striving for fame and gain in my duties interrupted and disturbed the church’s work. Now, at last, I can perform my duty again! If my brothers and sisters knew this, they’d definitely pay special regard to me, and would think that I’ve made progress by experiencing this failure.” I agreed to do it there and then. After my leader had gone, every day I looked forward to receiving notice of my new duty, but the days went by and no notice arrived. What did arrive was a stack of paper documents, and my leader asked me to type them up. Holding this stack of paper documents, my heart was full of questions: “What’s the meaning of this? Wasn’t it agreed that I’d be doing a new duty? How then can I be asked to type up all these paper documents? What am I, a typist? What on earth’s going on? If I’m not going to be doing the new duty, then surely my leader has to tell me why!” My mind was in a whirl, and I was unwilling to accept the reality of the situation. Faced with this pile of documents, I thought: “Typing isn’t a real duty. Anyone can do this work. Aren’t I a little overqualified to stay at home just typing up all these documents? If I’m not able to do any important duty, my brothers and sisters will surely say that, after being replaced, I still don’t have any true knowledge of myself and have not truly reflected on myself. What’s more, if I’m staying at home typing all day, then no matter how much I do or how well I do it, no one will know about it and I won’t have a chance to shine. I’ll forever be just a nobody, without any possibility of being promoted or put to some important use.” I was filled with misgivings, but I couldn’t refuse; all I could do was accept the duty.
